Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
