do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
