He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
