Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
