so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
