i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
