watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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