I intend to get homeless drunk
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
