I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
