So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
This baby is an asshole
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Randomize
