I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
