He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
