Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
