The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
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