I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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