ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
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