I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Princesses don't give blow jobs
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
