she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
