Your mouth is God's brothel.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
did i just pee glitter
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