i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
