i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
He passed out mid-signature
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
