He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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