Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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