Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
my being single is dangerous.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
