Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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