that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
