oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize