Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
