just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
