I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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