she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
