Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
should my penis look like a turkey
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
