I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
