why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
