I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Is it because I queefed?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
