you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
