JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
