hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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