There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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