i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
