just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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