so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
