Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
