I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize