are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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