Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
