the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
