i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
