I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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