Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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