Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
This is classic penis vs brain.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
i now understand why vodka
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
