I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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