So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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