i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
