Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
