woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
