Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
