Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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