the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize