Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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