i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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