I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
