i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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