I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
God, I missed his penis.
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