i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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