yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
