i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
