I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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