Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
