he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
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