can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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