i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
